Feminine 101

Several years ago, when we were new to the small business scene, Mr. Right very candidly commented, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t even know what you do.” 

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It had been a common theme of late. With all the craziness of a business, we’d divided to conquer. It immediately became clear that, while I’m capable of doing his job to some extent, I can’t do that and mine and be a mom. If anything happened to him, I would need to hire someone to do what he does. So we had purchased a high value life insurance policy for him. 

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But when he looked at all that I do, he truly was overwhelmed. Where does one even begin? I have to wonder if this is not what Solomon was thinking when he penned Proverbs 31. I am well aware of the long shadow this passage casts on women. But age and perspective has made me hate this particular lady a little less. Here is a woman who enjoys being productive. She puts food on the table, and not just the boring stuff. No, she “brings her food from afar.” Feeding her family is a matter of pride for her, so she does it well. And they praise her for it.

She’s not lazy. She’s up early, which was a chore when I was younger. But as most people discover with age, early mornings are a welcome slice of quiet time. Before the kids get up is a precious time when we can ready ourselves for the day in stillness and peace. The first cup of coffee at that time is almost unearthly. I often find myself reviewing school lessons, pulling meat out of the freezer for dinner and listening for the first stirrings of those precious lives in my charge. 

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Far from an airhead with no idea about the workings of their livelihood, she’s also no stranger to the family business; she’s making decisions and keeping a handle on things. She knows a deal when she sees one and her responsibilities don’t stop just because the sun goes down. The work she does is valuable to those around her, the products of her time and efforts plainly visible. Those efforts could take on any number of forms. Maybe she’s a fabulous housekeeper, or perhaps makes decadent desserts, or even sews amazing clothes. Maybe she even cans jellies or pickles. 

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She’s generous and kind, helping where she can. We all have our charity cases, don’t we? A single mom needing babysitting. A divorcee in need of some company. When I brought home my newborn son, my friend came over and did my laundry so I didn’t have to. Generosity takes many forms and women have an eye for needs they can meet. And as far as kindness goes, a good mom makes sure her kids are extra nice to the weird kid. And she makes sure when it’s time to clear a foot of snow after a blizzard, her husband takes his removal equipment to the widow’s place down the street. 

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Her kids are clothed, and clothed well. When was the last time your husband had to buy socks for your children? When was the last time he even thought of underwear for them? Did he go buy your teenage daughter her first bra? Did he even notice when you did? She makes sure her husband is clothed well. Mr. Right has certainly stepped up his sense of fashion since the early years. Now he’s clean-cut, and put together in such a way that demonstrates he takes pride in his appearance. My brother was a solid jeans and t-shirt kind of guy all my life. A few short years after he married, I ran into them on a date at a restaurant and he was wearing a suit jacket. 

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As for herself? Well, she makes the effort. It’s become a bit of an inside joke in our household, that some days we just try harder to impress one another than usual. Whenever we notice, we are sure to say thanks for trying. One time, he went on a camping trip into the mountains with his brothers. The night I expected him back, I wore a dress instead of jeans. I left my hair down and intentionally tousled. Then I applied subtle makeup and reddened my lips just a little suggestively. After a week away, he folded his arms around me and, without a shred of irony, murmured in my ear, “Thank you for trying.” I don’t always wear makeup and my hair is often braided for simplicity. But he’s well worth any extra effort. And the excellent wife is sure to apply that. 

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And she’s strong. Not strong in the sense that she can beat someone in an arm-wrestling match, and not in a vulgar way. Instead, she wears her strength plainly for anyone who really cares to look. Her strength is in a thousand little things that make her the beating heart of her home. In the hundreds of needs that she sees to day after day–needs he doesn’t even have to think about. It’s paintings on the wall, the trinkets on the shelf, the matching ottoman. But it’s more than furniture and food. He doesn’t think about those things, not because he doesn’t care, but because she has handled it well and he doesn’t need to. Next time he asks, “What’s for dinner?” take it for the compliment it is. He expects competence from you where dinner is concerned because it’s what you’ve given him over and over again. And because she does her work with competence, she’s not afraid or offended. She smiles at the future and all that it holds. 

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That’s the house–no, the home–he looks forward to returning to every day. When he walks in, it’s not in utter chaos. Dinner is on the stove and, after taking care of business all day, he’s likely all too happy to let you take care of him for a bit. 

Do you see yourself or your wife in that mythical Proverbs 31 creature? I will admit, I didn’t for a long time. But then Mr. Right pointed out that he would have to hire a maid, a nanny, a tutor, and a full-time bookkeeper to replace me. So maybe just a little bit of her in me? In any case, I now have life insurance, too.

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