Feminine 101

In January 2024, I began a “health journey.” This is to share where I came from, what I’ve achieved, and how I got from point A to point B. Please note, I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, or any other sort of health professional. I’m just a woman who took her health in hand and made some changes. If you wish to start at the beginning of my story, you can click here.

How do you lose weight?

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Well, you eat less.

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We all know how to do it. 

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But also, we don’t know how to do it.

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I suggested before that being overweight is a symptom. It’s a symptom of being out of control. And it gets wrapped up in our identity–our habits, our thought processes, our lifestyles. So, while losing weight is accomplished by eating less, it involves a rewrite of ourselves. 

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Am I a skinny person? Or am I just a fat person, eating salads until I can have fries again?

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Am I a healthy person? Or just an unhealthy person who can’t wait to have ice cream again?

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Am I diligent? Or do I just not care enough to put in the work?

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Am I self-controlled? Or am I straining every ounce of willpower today knowing that tomorrow I’m definitely binging at the restaurant?

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Am I emotionally strong? Or will the slightest stressor drive me to down an entire box of Oreos today?

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I once heard a pastor talking about salvation in terms of a pig that gets turned into a man. The pig loves slop, loves rotten, nasty, stinky food and he’s going to return to it every time because he’s a pig. But you transform that pig into a man mid-bite, and he’ll recoil in disgust because he’s not a pig anymore. It’s a dramatic illustration, but it should convey what a monumental undertaking this is.

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I have a theory about why people are sensitive about being called fat. If you doubt they are, try implying that an obese person should lay off the soft drinks, or that maybe their joint problems have a lot to do with their obesity.

Concerning my theory, I think it has less to do with just being fat and more to do with what that says about us as a person.

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I think we know the answers to those “or” questions above instinctively. And it scares us. Because, if we’re just biding our time until we can have fries and ice cream again, if we know that we’ll return to the caloric well again before long, then what does that make us?

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Fat.

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Sick.

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Lazy.

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Intemperate.

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Emotionally weak.

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No one wants to be that. I don’t. So every time I catch my thoughts drifting towards my next sugar fix, I have to capture it and drag it kicking and screaming back to the way I want to be. Everyone, that is hard. 

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So, when someone asks how to lose weight, they’re really asking, how do I change who I am? And that is a much more serious, deep-seated question. It’s also far more difficult to answer. But I’m going to try anyway.

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1. Paint yourself a picture of who you want to be.
   1. Whether you want to be skinny, healthy, or improve your self-confidence, you can’t hit a target that is undefined. If your entire strategy is avoiding things that you don’t want to be, then I recommend you rethink that. It’s much easier to hit clearly-defined goals.
2. Learn, study, and think about what it takes to become that picture.
   1. What does a skinny person eat? How does a healthy person cope with stress? How do self-confident people behave? Look online, read books, ask people you know. The information is out there. Repainting the picture of yourself does not happen by accident and without serious work. 
3. Identify differences between current you and future you.
   1. This is targeting your flaws. And it stinks. But identifying the habits and tendencies that got us to this unhappy image is really powerful. How do you alter the habit of stress-eating if you don’t even know it’s a problem? Those habits have to go so take aim.
4. Make a plan.
   1. It doesn’t happen by accident. You have to come up with a serious game plan that addresses hazards or at least allows you to address them as you encounter them. And you need to think strategically. If you binge on Oreos every time you’re stressed, maybe don’t buy Oreos. Stock shelves with healthy stuff: nuts, fruit, veggies. Just saying, “I’m not going to stress eat,” is too vague to be useful. Try something like this instead: “When I get the urge to eat a cookie, I will eat carrots instead” or “when I want a cookie, I will individually pack it for lunch so that I can’t binge” or “when I get the urge to stress eat, I will go clean the bathroom mirrors or something small instead.”
5. Think differently.
   1. You really do have to take every thought captive. The impulse to throw up your hands after a long day and take that pint of ice cream to the couch? You need to interrupt that and replace it with something else. Instead of dreaming of a day when you can have “good food” again, savor the salad. I discovered that I love dried cranberries on my salad so I make a point of enjoying those tart, sweet bites. The tiny slice of lasagna I served myself? I eat it really slowly and take tiny bites so I can think about how yummy it is. 

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I am no longer a slave to food and every childish whim that comes along. I’m a grownup. I’m a healthy woman. I’m able and willing to put in the work. I can do hard things.