Feminine 101

When I reflect on the laundry list of behaviors developed over a lifetime together, I realize some might perceive it as anything but easy. Where do you even begin? 

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Anywhere. 

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Pick an area to work on, a muscle group to strengthen, if you will. Then try. And try. And try. I have realized that, if marriage were a poker game, I’d be telling you to go all in every time. We took a business trip a few years ago that painted a very fitting picture. And, the more I think about it, the more that whole experience, very unique to our marriage, actually summarized much of what I have said up until now. 

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Let me establish some facts. I was pushing forty. I’m 5’7” and weighed nearly 200 lbs. I’m athletic, so on a good day I can squeeze into a size twelve. My D-cup breasts require a good deal of support. I still have an hourglass figure, but let’s just say that shapewear is my friend. I have long dark hair that I no longer dye because, frankly, I’m proud of the silver strands that have begun to appear. You ladies need to understand this so you can paint a very clear picture in your mind and reconcile it with the story I’m about to share. 

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We went to Vegas to one of the big hotel-convention centers. If you’ve ever been, you know they’ve got all kinds of shops and restaurants inside. One of the shops sold women’s clothing and I just knew I wanted to get something there. We found out that on the final evening of our convention there would be a big exclusive after-party at a nightclub/resort for my peers and me. Now I knew I wanted to get a cute clubbing dress, something totally out of the ordinary for me–kind of like clubbing. So I bought a sexy little sequinned number and went back to show it to Mr. Right. He seemed puzzled by how out of character it was for me and I got a little nervous that it was too much. Too revealing. Too expensive. Too…not me. Why did I buy that dress? It was very short. It was low-cut (though I did wear a little shaper thingy underneath that made it not as low). The straps were tiny. What was I thinking? He never said anything negative, but that’s just the way a woman’s mind works. I decided I would return it. I was ready to give up.

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Mr. Right could tell my mood had darkened. He asked what he could do to help. I told him nothing. He couldn’t win here. But he likes nothing so much as a good challenge. A no-win situation is just the kind of thing he excels at. Our last business meeting before the event concluded and we were making our way back to our hotel room. As we were passing the shops, Mr. Right peeled off from the crowd and dragged me back into the same store. We started looking for a suitable something to wear over the top of that dress. He knew I was self-conscious and questioning whether I had any business wearing something like that. So he bought me a little jacket to wear over it. When we got back to the room, he made extra effort to invite me to show it off. 

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The male reader could learn something from my husband’s creative problem solving. I can’t tell you how he managed to identify the source of my misgivings, but he nailed it. He recognized right away the misstep he made when I showed it to him after buying it. His lack of enthusiasm had me second-guessing myself. What he saw that I didn’t was that I needed a confidence booster and words would not suffice. Making me buy the jacket was a stroke of genius. Seriously, guys take note. He gave me a gift, without a word giving me his blessing and encouragement. This then provided him with a do-over when we got back to the hotel room. I tried on the dress with the jacket and he got it right this time. He “inspected” it appreciatively and escorted me off to the after-party. He then spent the evening playing it up, appreciating the show. It was, after all, just for him.

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At one point, feet killing me, I stepped barefoot into one of the hot tubs on the pool deck. I had my third drink of the night (this is three hours in so I promise I wasn’t even a little tipsy) in hand and was bobbing to the music. Mr. Right went to talk to another business associate in one of the alcoves, leaving me to warm my feet. An older lady immediately hurried up beside me, placed a hand on one side of my head pulling me close, and whispered intently, “You need to be careful.”

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I was surprised at this unexpected and intense warning. Confused, I just said, “What?”

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“You need to be careful.” Then she glanced toward my departing partner.

I followed her gaze towards him, too, and replied, “What? Of my husband?”

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She immediately relaxed. “Oh he’s your husband!”

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For the record, she was right. His intentions were not wholly suitable for the general audience. I don’t just share this story to brag–though I’m definitely bragging a little. After all, if I can make you jealous for this kind of relationship, maybe you’ll take steps to make it happen. But it’s not only that. I share it to demonstrate that you should always try. 

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Despite a friend’s humorous assertion that I’m in a different league, I know better. Mr. Right has loved me well for many years. He’s given me an amazing life and is utterly committed to doing so for the rest of our lives. On top of that, he’s grown more attractive than ever as middle age settles in. So he is well worth all my efforts. Seducing him is a valuable passtime for me.

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Many people would question the purpose of such a venture. We’re already married. I already got what I want, right? Why bother? Why not just wear jeans and a sweater and call it good enough? It’s a question that answers itself. Would you rather characterize your marriage as extraordinary or good enough? I know where I want to land. So I tried and dressed up a body that does not always cooperate the way I wish it would. I know what he sees when he looks at me. And his eyes are the only ones that matter.

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Concerned-lady’s warning not-withstanding, I did go home with him. I always will. He’s my lover, my friend, and my partner-in-crime. 

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And he’s not going anywhere.

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We have a handful of kids and a mortgage. We deal with vehicles that need maintenance and parents’ failing health. We take the dog to the vet and go to work. It’s life. It’s ordinary. It can be downright mundane. But that night in Vegas? He will never forget it. I spent the entire evening successfully reinforcing his belief that I am an excellent wife. 

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I think what scares us most about that woman in Proverbs is that she never lets up. Her work is never done. There is always an effort to be made. Some people don’t characterize that as easy. But I love that work. I adore Mr. Right and, as much as I want to be such a prize to him as to be the envy of others, I know just how lucky I am to have him. We’re a matching set, you see. We live, dream, and grow together. Our personalities are very different, but we’re one. Our kids think of us as a unit as do our employees. Because we dream together, we have the same goals. Because we share the same goals, we pursue them together, growing and lending strength to one another’s weaknesses. Because our lives are so intertwined, the concept of separation presents such a prodigious undertaking, it confounds the mind and seems an altogether silly notion. For better or worse, we’re bound together.

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And why would we? We have so much to gain together, so much to enjoy. Quitting would be hard. You know what’s not hard? Being together. We prefer one another’s company to that of anyone else. He’s easy with me and I with him. The world can do its thing, the nations can rage, the stock market can plunge, but none of those change the fact that I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. It’s that easy.