In my perusal of that great sea of human thought called the internet, I noticed that there are a lot of people in need of good advice. And there are just as many prepared to offer bad advice. I figured it couldn’t hurt to chime in with the ancient wisdom of King Solomon. Primarily, this advice will come directly from the biblical book of Proverbs. So, be amazed at the relevance of 2,500 year old advice. I invite you to leave questions or share links to videos in the comment section if you wonder what the Bible might have to say about a particular subject.
What is one person worth?
We’ve all heard it preached. For the past thirty years the children of modern western culture have been told to love themselves. You’ve been told to practice self-care. You’ve been told that “you cannot love someone until you love yourself.” We’ve been told “nobody will love you until you love yourself.” We’ve been asked, rather manipulatively, “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love someone else?”
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But what does that even mean? What does loving oneself really look like? Is it understanding your worth? If so, what is that? What is one person worth? A billion dollars? A good night’s sleep? Is your worth so high that you can justify the hurt and degradation of the people around you?
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I have read many an internet post proclaiming that some fool–yes fool–has cut off a familial relationship because “I’m worth more than that.” So you are more important than another person? And you are willing to use that to simply erase someone from your life? Except you aren’t. Sure you may never see them or interact with them, but you have effectively carved out a permanent place in your mind where they and their perceived transgressions can make themselves at home. And you have done so all in the name of your own self-worth.
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I’ve also seen videos of men and women arrogantly proclaiming that someone who made romantic overtures toward them was not good enough–not up to their standards. They legitimately act and speak as though they are better than someone else. Is that what self-love is? Is it the elevation of self above everyone else? If that’s true, then I think you’ll find the “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” mantra falls flat. Because no one will ever be good enough. I would even maintain that the struggle to love-oneself in this very selfish manner is to actively run from the fact that deep down, we are brimming with self-loathing and malcontent. So I ask again: what does self-love mean?
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I suspect that since most people can’t answer that, they have shifted to self-love’s less intense younger sibling, self-care. And let me tell you, that is a far broader umbrella. Seriously, some estimates put the “self-care” industry’s value at well over a trillion dollars. You can look up self-care gift baskets that include journals, lotions, makeup, bath bombs, water bottles, tea cups, coffee mugs, candles, and a host of other things.
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While I dare not knock the value of staying hydrated, a fresh cup of coffee in the morning, or a good bubble bath with candles, these things do not equate with love. They are much more about taking simple pleasures, and ensuring health. That’s good. Taking a hot bath can soothe away aches and stress. That’s a good thing. But it is not love. I’ll say it louder for the ones in the back: IT IS NOT LOVE.
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So what is loving yourself? To answer that, we’re going to consult with someone whose words have been around for a very long time. In fact, his proverbs, and wisdom were legendary in his time. The Queen of Sheba famously travelled hundreds of miles across the desert in ancient times to see for herself if the rumors were true. And what does the great Solomon say about self-love?
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“One who gets wisdom loves his own soul,
One who keeps understanding will find good.”
-Proverbs 19:8
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If you want to love yourself, don’t be an idiot. Don’t be a fool. Get wisdom. Get understanding. And when you manage to get a hold of some, don’t let go for anything. Keep it. Practice it.
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And how do I do that? How do I get wisdom? Where do I look for that? That, dear reader, is a wise question. And wise King Solomon does not disappoint. A few short verses later, he drops this gem:
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“Listen to advice and accept discipline
So that you may be wise the rest of your days.”
-Proverbs 19:20
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If you want to be wise, ask someone wiser than you. No, I don’t mean ask your buddy who’s got the same problems as you. Solomon tells us that:
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“–a companion of fools will suffer harm.”
-Proverbs 13:20
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Far from seeking the counsel of our closest circle who no doubt suffer similar afflictions of a foolishness, we’re to look outside of that. But where? Well, back up to the first half of that verse:
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“One who walks with wise people will be wise.”
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Translation? If you want to be good with money, ask an old rich guy. If you want to have a successful relationship, ask a wife who’s been married for twenty, thirty, or forty years. If you want to know how to handle conflict at work, ask someone who’s been managing that sort of thing for a long, long time. The grayer the heads, the better as, once again, Solomon chimes in:
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“A gray head is a crown of glory;
It is found in the way of righteousness.”
-Proverbs 16:31
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The wise old king does not shy away from the fact that there is a right way to do things. And there is certainly a wrong way. The right way leads to a long life and a grey head. Why? Because:
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“The righteous person falls seven times and rises again;
But the wicked stumble in time of disaster.”
-Proverbs 24:16
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Why does the righteous fall? That’s the way of the world. You will fail. You will mess up. That will happen. But the right way to do things is to keep getting up, accepting the instruction of each failure. Treat failure as discipline. Treat your screw-ups as advice. Because, not doing so makes you a fool, an idiot, a moron.
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“A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding
Than a hundred blows into a fool.”
-Proverbs 17:10
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You could take the hundred blows, or you could learn the first time. It’s up to you. But I humbly suggest you learn and rise a wiser person than the one who fell. That is a mark of wisdom on a life. And, as we already saw, the man who gets wisdom loves his own soul.
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Feminine 101 