Feminine 101

The internet is rife with bad advice. I figured that the wisdom of Solomon has aged well enough. It just might do someone some good. I invite you to comment your own questions or link bad advice you’ve seen lately. Perhaps the ancient proverbs have something to say about it. Images are generated by AI.

I would be remiss if, in advising what to look for in a man, I didn’t do the same for the male audience. But first, let’s review some of the bad advice out there. 

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“Women that are well-traveled are whores.” 

“I won’t date a woman with a belly button ring.”

“Avoid women who use the word trauma.”

“Red flag: women who don’t prioritize their health.”

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I could go on and on. Now, I acknowledge that there are reasons behind these that most people understand. If a girl’s social media is flooded with pictures of herself scantily clad and posed in front of recognizable tourist destinations, I can see where one might make the leap that she’s been around. And girls who have belly button rings don’t get them to hide them 100% of the time. I can even understand the potential negative implications of someone who throws around buzzwords like trauma to describe their relatively normal past. The problem is these are really too narrow to be useful. Now, they might point to deeper issues for which a man might want to watch, but they really don’t describe the deeper issue. 

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So what does the wise, ancient king have to say on the issue? Well a lot. Quite a lot, actually.  Basically the entire book of Proverbs was directed at his son. And Solomon, with his hundreds of wives and concubines, did know a thing or two about women. He stressed over and over to his boy what to look for and what to avoid. 

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What did Solomon say to avoid? Many things, but let’s start with what he tells his son to look for:

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“Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she will be praised.”

-Proverbs 31:30

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Now that probably seems vague. But the amazing thing about the bible is just how coherent it is. Take the phrase “a woman who fears the Lord” for example. What does that even mean? It could be a mystery or it could just point to the beginning of the book where he clearly states and restates that:

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“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”

-Proverbs 1:7

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We can safely assume that a good woman, one worth fighting for and keeping, is marked by wisdom. Wisdom, though, is still a sort of nebulous concept in and of itself. So Solomon endeavors to paint a clear picture of the sort of woman men would do well to avoid. Starting at the beginning:

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“A woman of folly is boisterous,

She has a lack of understanding and knows nothing.”

-Proverbs 9:13

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I love this one because it’s so offensive. Men, watch out for a boisterous woman. She’s too loud. She’s quick to share her opinions and they reveal her ignorance. Now I say this as someone who is naturally very loud and as someone who has learned the hard way the value of being quiet. I love the boisterous definition because it is a behavior. It’s not a permanent quality. It’s a thing that can change. And I love that the warning is not to avoid ignorant women. The warning is to avoid those who relish, who flaunt, their ignorance. Ignorance is curable, but not if it’s undiagnosed.

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This woman, rather than being a deep well of qualities a man will happily return to over and over again, is empty. In the same breath, he says:

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“He does not know that the dead are there,

That her guests are the depths of Sheol.”

-Proverbs 9:18

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The boisterous behavior is a facade and it covers things that lead to death. What is that death? Well, Solomon does not mince words and I will not back off of this no matter how offensive it is. He takes great pains to warn his son away from the promiscuous woman. All of Proverbs 5, 7, and 9 detail the danger this woman represents: 

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“And behold, a woman comes to meet him,

Dressed as a prostitute and cunning of heart.

She is boisterous and rebellious,

Her feet do not remain at home;

She is now in the streets, now in the public squares,

And lurks on every corner.”

-Proverbs 7:10-12

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“For the words of the adulteress drip honey…

But in the end she is bitter as wormwood…

Do not go near the door of her house,

Otherwise you will give your vigor to the others,

And your years to the cruel one…

For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress,

And embrace the breasts of a foreigner?”

-Proverbs 5:3, 4, 8, 9, 20

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The woman of folly gets around. Solomon describes her as “brazen.” as someone without shame. And he desperately warns his son to not waste himself on any woman who isn’t his wife. Not only does that drain a man’s strength and vigor, but that sort of woman is empty. Again, this is behavioral. It does not mean that a woman who once was this way is beyond redemption. One only need look to the biblical story of Rahab to know differently. But the woman who doesn’t think twice about having sex with anyone is a major red flag.

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It is really important to recognize that boisterous and promiscuous tend to go together. Being brazen and sleeping around often describe the same person. And that woman who has no shame, who is in such a hurry to tell all? Well: 

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“Like a ring in a pig’s snout,

So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.”

-Proverbs 11:22

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It’s important to know that King Solomon doesn’t begin with the near mythical woman of Proverbs 31. But that is where he ends up. And he starts that description with:

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“An excellent wife, who can find her?

For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.”

-Proverbs 31:10-11

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So, men, ask yourselves: Can my heart trust in this woman?